Harry Potter and the Reason He Was Late for Class
by rosepetal704
Summary: Harry is late for class. What do giant spiders, hot girls, and evil lemon drops have to do with this? Second in the Potions Class series, but can stand by itself.


Harry Potter burst into the Potions classroom; out of breath, his hair even untidier than usual, and his robes ripped.

Severus Snape, along with the fourth-year Gryffindors and Slytherins, looked up.

"You've missed half the class, Potter. Fifty points from-"

"Wait, Professor, I can explain! I've got a very good reason for being late, as to why I haven't done my homework, too..."

Snape scowled. "I don't care about your excuses, Potter. You're late, _and_ you don't have your homework, so-"

"If you don't let me explain, Professor, then I'll tell the headmaster on you," Harry whined.

Snape hesitated. Dumbledore tended to show favoritism toward Harry, and would probably get mad at him for not listening to the bloody boy-who-lived, plus give Harry points for no reason at all..."Very well then, get on with it," Snape sighed.

Harry beamed at him. "Well first I'd better explain why I couldn't do my homework. It was pretty easy stuff, so I put it off 'till the last day. Then I went to the common room to find Hermione, so I could ask her to help me-"

"I thought you said it was easy stuff," Snape interrupted.

"It is, for Hermione. So I went to her and asked, in a very polite voice, if she would help me with my homework. But she just looked at me with a blank look in her eyes, and then she slowly reached out her hand and poked me gently on the shoulder, saying 'Poke'. So I told her to stop, and asked her again to help me with my homework, but she just kept poking me and wouldn't stop! I was freaked out! _No-one_ is supposed to poke the boy-who-lived!" Harry finished loudly with a glare at Snape.

He then continued. "Anyway, so I went to speak to the headmaster about Hermione's behavior. 'Cause after all, I'm Harry Potter, I'm famous!', I told Professor Dumbledore. When I finished he didn't say anything for a long time, he just stared at the floor. Then," Harry's voice took on a spooky tone, as if he were telling a ghost story. "Dumbledore slowly lifted his eyes to meet mine, and said in a sepulchral voice, 'Why do you believe you are Harry Potter? You are not Harry Potter, Harry Potter does not exist. And I was all like, 'Of course I'm Harry Potter, Dumbledore,' " Harry said, rolling his eyes, then continued in a low, dramatic voice, "But he just looked at me with those unfathomable eyes. And he told me I was a patient in a mental hospital, and I had constructed this fantasy world, all to escape the guilt of having watched my wife die," His voice trailed off into a whisper, a haunted look in his eyes.

There was silence. Snape just stared at Harry, and some of the class looked unnerved.

Harry continued. "I was very upset and freaked out by Dumbledore and Hermione, so I went to the boys dormitory to eat some chocolate frogs. Because chocolate always makes everything better," he said very seriously to his teacher. "But it was the saddest sight I ever saw," he continued tragically, "When I got there, there was Ron, sitting on his bed looking very content, his face and shirt smeared with chocolate. I couldn't believe it," Harry wailed, "Ron ate _all my chocolate frogs!_ It was such a terrible experience: First Hermione _wouldn't_ stop poking me, then Dumbledore freaked me out, and now Ron had eaten all my chocolate! He was supposed to be my best friend, and he betrayed me!"

Ron looked slightly uncomfortable. "Sorry, mate, but I did buy you more..."

Harry just glared at him, and then continued. "So you can see, Professor, why I couldn't do my homework."

"Well you didn't have to wait until the last day," Snape grumbled, "Now, fifty points from Gryffindor for-"

"WAIT! I'm _not done yet,_" Harry frowned at him. "I still have to explain why I'm late for class."

Snape just rolled his eyes.

"It's all Draco Malfoy's fault," Harry said accusingly.

Draco looked confused.

"He tricked me!"

"And just how did he trick you, Potter?" Snape asked in a bored voice.

"Well, early this morning, we bumped into each other on a corridor. And he told me that if I went deep into the Forbidden forest, I would find some really hot girls chillin' out with Aragog in his private hot tub. And he said they wanted me to go hang out with them."

Draco now looked shocked and amused.

"And who is Aragog?" Snape asked.

"Oh, he's a giant spider who lives in the Forbidden forest. He's a friend of Hagrid's," he added, and then continued. "Well, it's not every day I get invited to hang out with hot girls, so I immediately set out for the Forbidden forest. But when I got there, I realized he had tricked me! There were no hot girls, there was no hot tub, THERE WAS JUST A BUNCH OF FREAKIN' UGLY SPIDERS WHO WANTED TO KILL ME!"Harry's voice had been getting louder and louder and now he ended with a shriek.

"And then I had to fight them off with the sword of Godric Gryffindor-"

"And where did you get the Gryffindor sword?" Snape asked confusedly.

"Oh, it came out of the chocolate cake," Harry said as if that explained everything.

Snape looked frustrated. "_What_ chocolate cake?"

"The one that Aragog was wearing as a hat! _Really,_ Professor, I thought even you would know that!" Harry said exasperatedly.

Snape appeared to be at a loss for words.

"So by the time I had fought them all off I was late for class," Harry finished.

"And I suppose that's how you ripped your robes, too?" Snape said, regaining his speech.

Before Harry could answer, the door of the Potions classroom opened and Dumbledore came in.

"Ah, there you all are!" He said. "Transfiguration started ten minutes ago, and Minerva wondered where her class was."

With an exclamation of surprise, Snape looked at the clock and saw that the headmaster was right, and Potter had managed to waste the remainder of his class.

Dumbledore turned to Harry and said, "Oh, and Harry, I would like to thank you for helping me find my lemon drops. And I apologize for making you late for Potions. "

"Oh, it was no problem at all," Harry said cheerfully. "Although it is rather inconvenient that they ripped my clothes," he said, lifting up the tattered hem of his robes.

"Ah, yes," Dumbledore replied seriously, "Lemon drops can be rather temperamental."

"But-Potter-you-what about-spiders-hot girls-" Snape spluttered.

The headmaster looked amused. "Hot girls, Severus? I didn't realize you were into women at all."

Snape's face turned red, but apparently he had lost the ability to speak.

Harry winked at Dumbledore and said, "Oh yeah, he's a real charmer." He then turned to Snape and said, "Really, Professor, you didn't actually _believe_ that ridiculous story, did you? Come on, even I'm not stupid enough to think that hot girls would want to chill with Aragog. I mean, he's so ugly!"

Snape stuttered, "You-you mean-you didn't really-?"

"No, that was just a joke to cheer you up, Professor. You always look so grumpy and angry, and I thought you might need a laugh."

"Yes Potter, I _am_ grumpy and angry, _you_ make me grumpy and angry, Potter!" He said fiercely, and then went on sarcastically, "And I suppose the reason you didn't do your homework was a lie also?"

Harry suddenly got a haunted look in his eyes and glanced fearfully at Dumbledore, who was still standing in the doorway. The rest of the class had long since gotten bored and left.

'No, that part was true." Harry said.

Dumbledore nodded, and said soberly, "Yes, it was. And Harry, my boy-" He leaned in close and whispered, "Never forget that this is all in your head." Then, with his robes sweeping, he walked out the door, leaving Harry and Snape staring after him. They stood in silence for a minute, then Harry turned to Snape and beckoned for him to come closer. Rolling his eyes, Snape obliged, and Harry whispered in his ear, "He's a crazy old coot."

Then Harry grabbed his stuff and was out the door, leaving Snape, for once, agreeing with him.


End file.
